The Ten Commands of the Federal Government:
1. We are your Wise Overlords. You shall have no governments before us...including those pesky States.
2. You shall not make for yourself any non-governmentally approved, unregulated or untaxed idols.
3. Do not use the name of the Lord! It might offend somebody.
4. Remember tax day is April 15th and keep it holy...or else!
5. Honor your mom and dad...unless they are some kind of right-wing, wacko religious nuts or something. Really, they don't always understand what is best...it takes a governmentally-sanctioned village to raise a child and properly indoctrinate...er, I mean...educate them these days.
6. You shall not kill...unless there's an inconvenient pregnancy involved.
7. You shouldn't commit adultery...I mean, it's not nice...but hey, we're all human, right? Consenting adults? What can we do...we have our needs. Just try to be a little discrete, huh?
8.You shall not steal! Your government hates the competition.
9. Don't bear false witness against your neighbor...unless they are some rich, spoiled lacrosse players, or some political rivals we don't like.
10. Don't covet your neighbor's wife...or stuff. If he is unfairly taking more than his share of the goodies, we'll tax him out of existence...we got your back!
But, Mr. Government Official, what is the greatest commandment?
Just remember this: Do what we say...when we say it...and nobody gets hurt. All the other stuff is pretty much summed up by this commandment.
